GET CARTER

Carter has had enough of his cantankerous marriage. He leaves the bank where his spouse also works, and takes a job in sales at Binns Brothers, Hounslow, to escape her. There he meets Ella Peterson. What an impact she has on him! He says to her: ‘My beautiful Ella, I love your brow, your nose, your chin with its beautiful dimple, your hair, no matter what colour it is today. I love your sales returns – so neat, so exquisite. Come away with me across the marshes of Hounslow and we’ll be happy together in Pinner.’
She says ‘What about your wife?’
‘I have no wife’ he says, bitterly, ‘Only Genghis Khan in a frock.’
We all know what is going to happen to the fatuous Carter. On a miserable February afternoon, the football-mad cheat is going to take Ella to see Brentford play Leyton Orient. Mrs Carter, 200 miles away in Atticus Street, Pothmadog, is later going to discover a pair of ticket stubs. The foolish Carter's alibi with Nash is going to collapse in a pile of atomic dust as Nash, that broken reed of a man, admits to Mrs C. that he was in the Spend-Yu-Like betting shop on Buffoon Street at the time, not at Brentford at all. Carter will, under torture, confess to the love of another woman. Mrs Carter will threaten poor Ella with physical violence and Carter will quit Binns Brothers there and then. He will take up a position as messenger at the Welsh Colonial Bank, in Atticus Street, under the watchful eye of his spouse. Ella will heave a sigh of relief and turn her attentions to Mr Lavery, in outfitting.