PRINTER'S INK

My computer informed me that my coloured printer cartridge was on the verge of giving up the ghost. I trundled down to Tesco to purchase a replacement. They had one on the shelf, for a whopping £28. I didn’t think you paid much more than that these days for a printer itself. There was a Tesco equivalent cartridge that was cheaper, but the Tesco own-brand conversion booklet was so complicated that I could have ended up with any one of half-a-dozen cartridges and, knowing my luck, would have chosen the wrong one. I did narrow it down to one of two, but neither were in stock. I was just about to drop the £28 cartridge into the basket when I spied out of the corner of my eye a kit that contained 3 bottles of ink, some cleaning fluid and a hypodermic syringe, all for a fiver. The narrative on the plastic pack said that this kit could be used to refill my own defunct cartridge at a fraction of the cost! All I needed was a rudimentary idea of how to operate a syringe and the ability to select the right holes in the cartridge into which to inject the ink. A bargain indeed and I scooped it up immediately. I got it home and began the usual ritual of trying to get the bottles and the syringe out of the sealed plastic pack. I blunted one pair of scissors and nearly cut my fingers wrenching the two cut ends apart. The plastic was like fine gauge sheet steel. I followed the instructions. The syringe was in two parts – you merely stuck the end with the needle into the pump. You have to remove the label from the cartridge and scrape off all traces of glue. You are faced with four little holes, three of which are the correct ones into which to insert the needle and syringe in the ink. I started with yellow, which was to be squirted into the hole at the top. The instructions said that there was a piece of sponge behind each hole and that I might feel ‘a little pressure’. ‘A little pressure’ was an understatement. It was as if I was trying to stab an orthopaedic mattress with a spoon. I squeezed the syringe a little harder and the pump end burst from the needle, which was left sticking in the cartridge. I was too late to take the pressure off the pump by removing my thumb, so ink squirted all over my new sweatshirt and a good part of the computer desk. I mopped what I could up with a kitchen roll and tried again, successfully this time. Next was Cyan, bottom left. I eased off on the throttle, and I could see the ink vanishing down the syringe. Then it started gushing out of the print head and onto the computer desk again. I had to wait until it had finished running out before I picked up the kitchen roll again. Finally, there was magenta. She went in like clockwork. I gave the cartridge a final wipe and tried it in the machine. I printed off a coloured picture of Dunbar Harbour. All the colours seemed to be more or less the same as I had photographed them. Eureka! I turned to pick up the bottle of cleaning fluid with which to clean the syringe, but instead knocked it over and all of the cleaning fluid spilled onto the rug. I had to mop that up with a sponge and soapy water. I solved the problem of the syringe by cleaning it in the bath, which I had run previously, meaning to have a good soak once I had finished my exertions. It stained the water a delicate shade of pink. I put some blue bath salts in to neutralize it. I felt a glow from saving £23 and I still have enough ink left for two more goes. The fact that I had ruined a sweatshirt worth £40 was of no import – after all, it’s not the winning, it’s the taking part.